Chapter 20 "Addendum"

I only paused once while running to work to rinse my head off in a sprinkler, soaked my head and face as best I could. This was a process that took a few minutes off my journey but well worth it in terms of helping me ditch my scummy appearance and knocking the last of the cobwebs out of my head. It didn't do much for my stink that I was pretty sure was edging on the wrong side of European, but whatever.

As a high powered sharp and biting jet of water slashed into my face and teeth, I thought that being special and chosen by Nelson to be part of anything larger than a church acapella group is a strange and dubious honor. Furthermore, the guy's a salesman. Most likely, his meeting at 9 tonight would involve pyramid schemes, supplements, fruit juices, or tracts of land in Florida.

Single guys will be coming to the door at 9PM sharp, saying something to the effect of, "Hi! I'm Gary! I'm here for my threesome!"

Nelson welcomes them in by saying something to the effect of, "That's right gentlemen, threesomes await every one of you if you follow my five step plan...let's get started!" And the sales pitch begins.

I shot through a couple of yards, hopped a fence, almost got hit by a bus, and arrived at work promptly at 8:01. Dashing into the loading dock, I swiped my badge and launched myself up the stairs into the employee lounge. My employee locker was seldom used but I kept a couple of essentials in there. I quickly pulled off my wife beater wiped my face and shoulders off with it, tossed the dog collar in and pulled on a semi crusty polo shirt. Bam. A little deodorant. It was the green Speedstick, which for some reason is the most pungent and funky smelling deodorant devised by the good people at Colgate-Palmolive. It masks nearly all other funk with its own dipped in Old Spice kinda funk. Pulled on an extra hairnet from my locker, and a visor that looked really stupid, but would shade my eyes and keep me from having to directly look at somebody. Apron, name tag, pow, bang, zoom...15 seconds of flurried activity produces the visage of a model employee.

I hadn't noticed, but Gerard Jackson's office door was open and he was staring at me with a cautious looking arched eyebrow.

"Howdy, Mr. Jackson." I chirrped. Imagine a cross between the Greek looking cop on Law and Order and Gene Hackman. That's what Gerard Jackson, the store manager looked like. He frowned at me slightly and closed a folder on his desk.

"Heard you guys had quite an interesting day yesterday." His gruff voice had an edge of menace because the question was so casual.

"You have no idea.." I mumbled back as I slammed my locker shut.

"Huh!?" Gerard actually grunted this as a challenge. He sounded like a drill sergeant.

"Uh, yeah it was pretty intense! I had trouble sleeping last night because.." He cut me off.

"--Come up and see me later today. You have to fill out an Incident Report."

"You got it." I replied. He nodded at me as if to say 'get the fuck to work'. He arched his eyebrow again as I bounded down the stairs toward the deli.

Jaime wasn't working today and I thought for sure that she had to, but her boss Franny, a mousy beach ball of a woman, said she had the next 2 days off. Weird. Where does a slightly deranged Jaime go at 7 in the morning on her day off? I didn't dwell on it terribly, and went to my business. Since Dade was gone, we had to pick up some of the slack. Mona and I worked wordlessly for 3 or 4 solid hours until she disappeared upstairs and I got some alone time smoking cigarettes next to the dumpster. Dean was suspiciously nice and accommodating, helping out where he could without getting in the way or being an asshole. It was turning out to be a pretty nice day at work!

I even made some of my Krab Salad which is one my own deli inventions involving chunks of imitation crab, macaroni noodles, mayonnaise, peas and spinach flashed with green onions, leeks, and garlic. It's finished off with lots of white pepper and a handful of parmesan cheese. Some customers really love it. Mona groans at me for not using red onions and such, but I don't care for powerful crunchy onions in my Krab Salad. I won't abide it. No I won't.

After our rush through the morning hours, Mona came downstairs and slapped a small pile of papers on the steel prep table in front of me.

"Okey doke, there Slim Stinky...Gerry says to take this shit and fill it out. Police report." She held a few pieces of official looking documents to my face while squinting at me with her grey and wrinkled eyes. "Then this." She held up the familiar looking White/Yellow/Pink King Soopers Incident Report. "Press hard with a ball point pen, girly pants!" Then she laughed and wrung her wrists as if to emphasize her bulging forearms, then she slapped my ass.

I giggled a little as I looked over my new assignment of papers. "Slim Stinky? What the fuck, Mona?"

"You smell like my ex-husband after a night of poker and drinkin’."

"Well that's just great."

She laughed heartily, and said, "Well you're still as cute as ever."

"Aw, well that's nice of you."

She disappeared through the door to the counter, and I continued to look over the papers. There was a handwritten sticky note from Gerard on the front.

Write what happened
in your own words
about yesterday's incident
involving Dade.

Okey Doke. The forms took me about 30 minutes or so to fill out. I wrote small and deliberately so I wouldn't have to add extra pages, and as soon as I was done Dean magically appeared to whisk them away to the office upstairs. He only stopped to ask me if I was late this morning. I deadpanned, "Yes, one minute." He snorted and disappeared upstairs with the two reports. I wish I had a chance to reread them, but I didn't. They were basically the same rendition of the story that I knew to be true edited for space. The police form was longer.

This is why I was very surprised that when four o clock rolled around Gerard summoned me to his office and then summoned Franny as my Union Representative and then he sat us down in front of his steel and Formica desk. He thumbed through my reports looking alternately at me and the reports through half glasses. He was frowning. This was not looking good for some reason, the hairs on the back of my neck were charged with the energy in the room.
Dean walked in and sat in a seat next to Gerard's desk. He was looking grim and smug at the same time.

Gerard said, "We need to addend these. There's some information missing on these reports."